Dear all,
It is all so overwhelming: the bewilderment and sadness about Tons sudden passing; all those people who react beaten and sad; the help and support from so many and on top of that the enormous crowd Monday at his ceremony.
Besides despair and sadness it gives much support. Therefore I want you to thank that you were there, for me, for Tons sisters and family.
And above all I want to thank my daughter Rozemarijn, who was there the whole week, helping, taking care of me and just being so close.
Also Margot, who played her role as professional so well while being friends with Ton as a neighbour.
Finally, Patrick and Petra of the IRC who, besides their sadness, gave so much to help succeed the ceremony of last Monday.
I am proud of us, Tons sisters and myself that we could pass the little hindrances to provide Ton a dignified farewell. And I think that we did a good job at that.
From multiple people I heard that the ceremony was very special and overwhelming. This was also the case for me. I was very aware that Ton was a beloved person. But I did not realise that this was so international, across all borders of the world and I find this unbelievable and heartwarming.
Throughout everything I can hear that Ton has given friendship, also during his working activities; seeking contact from person to person. He could make connections all over the world, not worrying about functions or statuses.
He was especially able to do this because he learned to take good care of himself, after being through a lot of tough and rough periods in his life. Now, he was very happy and I got to enjoy sharing this with him. Ton knew how to enjoy his life. Cooking, dining, loving his home and the surroundings, buying new clothes, cycling, rowing, going to the fresh food market every week and so much more...
He also knew how to take care of others around him, without losing his own will. He loved the people around him where he worked, rowed and went out with.
Caring about the world. It just had to become a tiny bit better. Ton was on the edge between an artist and a scientist and he put his creative and smart mind to good use for a higher goal.
I noticed that the youngsters who were there on Monday also appreciated his mind set. They learned something about this altruism, being yourself without having a big ego, keep on going strong whatever happens, having so many passions.
If that is something that we can learn from him and apply this in our own world, then his surreal and way too early passing has given a chance for that.
I call out to myself and to all of you, to – besides from the pebble that we carry with us till we find a place in the world where we'd love to put it – care for yourself, for the people around you and for the world. This can really make the change.
Finally a poem which I already used at my parents' death and which touches me very much. It is by Dietrich Bonhoeffer, a theologian and a resistance fighter against nazism.
“There is nothing that can replace the absence of someone dear to us, and one should not even attempt to do so.
One must simply hold out and endure it.
At first that sounds very hard, but at the same time it is also a great comfort.
For to the extent the emptiness truly remains unfilled one remains connected to the other person through it.
It is wrong to say that God fills the emptiness. God in no way fills it but much more leaves it precisely unfilled and thus helps us preserve -- even in pain -- the authentic relationship. Further more, the more beautiful and full the remembrances, the more difficult the separation.
But gratitude transforms the torment of memory into silent joy.
One bears what was lovely in the past not as a thorn but as a precious gift deep within, a hidden treasure of which one can always be certain.”
Anneroos
PS excuse me for not replying personally to all the messages and cards, these are all very supporting and loving.
